Sparklers and Sharklers

Arrrrrrrgh! That’s a seven “r” arrgh for ye, mateys, on this wonderful indie day from your favorite pirate turkey, Planksy. Imagine me and my mateys, three hundred fowl strong, a sailing yer choppy waters of Lake Eufaula today. The rum is a-flowing, the Black Cats are a-popping and the Cut is a-hopping. Shiver me drumsticks, fill me rum cup and sing me a ditty about Choctaw bingo.

On this arrghspicious occasion, allow yers truly to award some sparklers and sharklers. If ye get yer sparklers, me mateys, why then go on and wave them in the pirate prairie breeze to celebrate yer true indie spirit. Yer’ve earned them fair and square and otherwise. If yer get ye sharklers, then ye walk me planks smack dab into Lake Eufaula’s dreaded Shark Cove.

Sparklers go out to University of Oklahoma President David Boren for supporting Barack Obama for president despite the editorial sass from the scurvy renegades at The Oklahoman, a smarmy, lie-telling newspaper known throughout the known world as yer bastion of bull.

Sharklers to none other than famous state Rep. Sally Kern, who thinks her God created the world in her narrow-minded, image-anation (catch me drift, mateys?). She’s done more to hurt yer economic development here than four Dust Bowls combined. Aye, tell it to the state GOP. The righties adore ol’ Kerny.

Sparklers galore are hereby awarded to Vic Hutchison, an OU professor emeritus of zoology, who rallied the rational forces against another Kernainitiative, the religious-intrusion act known as House Bill 2633. Ahoy, mateys, Vic told the truth about this little bit of bull. Yer Kerny, the albatross, no she did not.

Sharklers go to the rapscallion U.S. Sen. Jim Inhofe for voting to maintain steep cuts in Medicare. Turns out, this smarmy snake-in-the-grass Senator ironicus has voted 15 times to cut Medicare funding since 1995. Aye, see, it’s okay for Jimmy himself to have health care, but not yerself. What blarmey!

Sparklers to Inhofe’s main opponent this election, state Sen. Andrew Rice, a Democrat who can change it all here. He’s got the fight in him, and he’s sailing to yer town soon. Aye, he even wants to improve yer health care, not take it away.