Ten Reasons
Here are the top ten reasons to get drunk in Oklahoma this summer:
(10) The stifling heat. It’s so hot in Oklahoma this summer fire hydrants fight over dogs. The grass is yellow and the shimmering, prairie heat rises above the cracked asphalt. Notice how people get cranky when it’s this hot? No? Well, shut up.
(9) People who pray in restaurants. These are folks who hold hands around a table in the bar area of Chili’s and pray over baby backs and Boulevard Wheat beers. Hey, some of us are trying to get drunk here, people. Get a church.
(8) George Bush supporters. His national approval rating is somewhere between 31 and 42 percent depending on what poll you believe, but a majority of Oklahomans still support the macho swagger and redneck, bring-it-on rhetoric. None of these people can give a coherent reason why they support him. “I mean, come on, he’s the president,” seems to be the most widely used reason.
(7) Judges who use penis pumps during trials. So former Creek County District Judge Donald Thompson receives four years in the slammer for, get this, using a penis pump on himself as he presided over a trial. The case got national news coverage. It’s yet one more spectacle in the reality freak show called Oklahoma. What’s next? Get drunk and stay tuned.
(6) Politically conservative/lifestyle liberal Republicans. These are Okies holding a bottle of tequila in one hand and a cigarette in the other, lecturing you about the wonderful Republican Party, aka, the Christian Right Party. These people live to get loaded and then vote for people against people getting loaded. It makes you want to get loaded.
(5) Pit bulls. There’s no better entertainment over cocktails than watching a stray pit bull meander down the street. It adds to the neighborhood ambience in Oklahoma City, especially when the dog attacks a child walking home from school. Listen, the breed should be banned. These dogs kill people all the time. What part of that last sentence is difficult to understand?
(4) The love it or leave it folks. But, see, many people actually want to leave Oklahoma and the United States. It’s just that people get stuck here for a variety reasons, and, well, it’s difficult to get a good job in France these days. Everyone wants to go there.
(3) The Daily Oklahoman. It’s not even good as a charcoal starter anymore because it’s so small and narrow-minded. There’s probably a burn ban anyway.
(2) Okie bedlam. OSU’s Eddie Sutton gets busted for drunken driving and finally retires. OU’s Rhett Bomar gets busted for underage drinking before the posse runs him out of Norman for claiming he worked when he didn’t. Who loses this year? Drinkers, and especially drinkers who attached themselves emotionally to other drinkers.
(1) No six-point beer in grocery stores. Oklahoma needs cold, six-point beer and wine in grocery stores to relieve the pain of living here. Come on, it’s 108 outside, stray pit bulls roam Oklahoma City with impunity, a judge uses a penis pump in full view at your divorce trial, and everyone, though staggering drunk, is praying for George Bush and their favorite college sports team. You can read about it in The Daily Oklahoman. Shut up.
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Good heavens
Good heavens, could entries please double check their spelling?
Ranger: Here is one military family (Air Force and Navy) who thinks President Bush is out for one thing only: making his buddies rich on the backs of the American Armed Services and the American people. Yes, there are military people who believe we are in a &#@% of trouble due to the lack of integrity, intelligence, compassion,understanding, or responsibility on the part of Bush and his cabinet. My mother (she married the Air Force guy) says that this country is ripe - just as Germany was before Hitler gained his power in her native land. For the first time since the 1950's she is fearful for this nation as she watches a government with policies of injustice and ignorance unfold.
Tina
I will not deny that the war should have been handled differently. And by that, I mean much more aggressively. When we send our military to war, we should not be overly concerned, as we are now, with civilian damage. We did not concern ourselves with it during WWII, and should not now. Hitler gained his power shortly after WWI. Germany was in abstract poverty, moral was low and they had no military to speak of, per the Treaty of Versailles. I really cant see any similarities here. Would you mind naming a few?
"I am an American Special Forces soldier. A professional! I will do all that my nation requires of me. I am a volunteer, knowing well the hazards of my profession...." From Special Forces Creed.
blind followers
WWI ended in 1918, the Weimar Republic lasted from 1917 to 1933 Hitler assumed the position of Chancellor Jan 1, 1930 and in 1933 began his laws eroding rights. So that is not a short rise to power. "The era 1933-1942 appears as one long, unbroken ascent of German Power under Hitler". (page 277)
The Versailles treaty did play a major role in the political landscape of Germany but it was not the reason Hitler achieved power.
There was a great deal of political turmoil among the various political parties in the Weimar Republic. The party to which Hitler belonged, the National Socialist Workers Party was headed by Hitler (he was appointed Chancellor by Pres. Hindenburg). This party appealed to the German masses by combining fanatical patriotism and extreme nationalism. Germany was a cultured country with a largely educated mass. They were so easily blinded to the dangers that Hitler and his party posed (such as the curtailment of civil rights) –how easy would it be for a country such as ours, with a mass of people basically uneducated, to fall under the spell of leadership which has no concern for it’s citizenry.
Additionally, "Hitler’s plan for seizure of power took a year and a half to complete. The first step was to eliminate the separate units of German politics – the parties and the states (Laender). The ‘Decree for the Protection of the People and the State’ repealed basic civil rights guaranteed by the Weimar constitution. In 1933 Hitler presented the new legislature a bill for the ‘Enabling Act’ which would give the government the right to decree laws without the participation of the Reichstag and the Reichsrat – thereby circumventing the legislature and oversight bodies provided by the constitution". (pgs 247-248)
The history continues further with the disintegration of the power of individual states. Followed by the disintegration of higher education and silencing of intellectual leaders.
As for abject poverty- the Germans were poor just as their counterparts in the rest of the world because of Black Friday and the worldwide depression. My mother says they were poor but they never went hungry and they were never homeless.
Abject poverty is what we see today in Africa, South America, Mexico. That kind of poverty never existed in Germany.
Book used for quotes: Germany/ A New History by Hagen Schulze
Really?
"Listen, the breed should be banned. These dogs kill people all the time. What part of that last sentence is difficult to understand?"
Let's see --
Number of annual deaths required for pit bull-type dogs (actually, a collection of six breeds rather than just one breed) to "kill people all the time" (we'll estimate "all the time" to be equal to one per hour): 8,760.
Number of actual dog bite deaths during 1997 and 1998, according to a Center for Disease Control Report: 27.
Number of pit bull-type dog-caused deaths between 1979 and 1998: 76 (includes mixed breeds).
As for the praying in restaurants -- well, it's always nice to see the great way liberal, progressive and open-minded folks insist on respect for people who might act differently than they do. Give it a try sometime.
Brett
You will find that the problem of the left, is they like to cry foul when you use stereotypes, but it is perfectly alright for them to lump all consertives, or non socialists, into their own stereotypical slots. If you are Christian, you are a bushbot. If you are not, you are enlightened. As always, they can, you cant. Some are wearing their tin foil hats wating for the return of the aliens that put us here. Its all good, and depending on your sence of humor, can be fun! Dont worry to much about them. Their forces are fewer in number today than yesterday. In the mean time, I am going to Chilis, order baby backs and beer, and thank the Lord for allowing me to enjoy them, dispite the drunk liberal sitting on the bar stool next to me....
"I am an American Special Forces soldier. A professional! I will do all that my nation requires of me. I am a volunteer, knowing well the hazards of my profession...." From Special Forces Creed.
Hysterical
Doc, That is some of the funniest stuff I have read all summer. You nailed it right on!!
"(9) People who pray in
"(9) People who pray in restaurants. These are folks who hold hands around a table in the bar area of Chili’s and pray over baby backs and Boulevard Wheat beers. Hey, some of us are trying to get drunk here, people. Get a church."
Public pray-ers annoy me too (and they annoyed Jesus, if I recall one one of sayings), then again a Boulevard Wheat is worthy of some thanksgiving. I wholeheartedly agree with Ben Franklin who said, "Beer is the proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
J. M. Branum
Blog: www.jmbzine.com
Campaign: www.jmbranum.com